my mother;

said i dress in to many colours--so i got this shirt:
teenage rebellion i think not ! passive aggressiveness ? nahh wasn't even thinking about her cmnt when i got it. yes i know i look like a hippie; my goal was reached.

i hate being sick i become how do i say it. . .NEEDY it so sucks that the only human interaction i had all week were these people: my mom, cat [yes she can count as human too], doctor & miss maxine [who kindly went to by this soup for me]:

yes; i like things with colour ;] but green pea soup ='s awesome.

what i noticed aim gets pretty boring after a day or so of being sick; & it becomes a tedious task; typing with acrylic nails & all. i did do something cool though; i tried laying on my air mattress to suddenly find myself face first on the floor convo btwn mom & i :

mom: WHAT DID YOU DROP?
me: myself ouchhh
mom: oh. okay.

gosh not even a "are you okay" nope. ohh update that boy well; he's not my boy anymore. but i wrote a poem; its called "his poem" --oh how original; but no its called jilted.

to want someone you cant have is to have your stomach turn knots and your knees get weak and to have the tingling sensation of blood rising at your ignorance as you try to eradicate the surge of longing from racing up and down your spine as it sends the nerves signals that reflect off the memory of what it felt like to simply brush skin with that one sin that you know can't be granted because after all its a lust. to want him is to prepare my meal knowing damn well i will not be able to eat it because he made me lose my appetite and well if you know me, to lose my appetite is something outstanding. and to want him but to not receive him is to converge at a cross road and take the road least traveled on.

now try reading that 5 times fast. for some strange[lol] reason people assume i'm a lesbian like my mom.

mom: you're a lesbian though.
me: [all hysterical] NO !
mom: oh. you're bi then.
me: no ma i like boys.
mom: yeah boys and girls
me: no just boys*walks away defeated.

well prom was great after party BAHH; too many people music was like . . . i know this song but you can't vibe to that yo. but otherwise i had a nice night with the best date in the whole entire galaxy, my nelson motherfucking angel<3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU5umWAWCF_7Q5d6TfmFr7-k7elJHSwMYxpRGM1MnLzFfL5hTg5iY75AqkvFQ1N37bJd6bkLiVwEzAQ1XCQl_S3Ju36UeKokrrVmN-vvbuCAqiJnPK7Ot3wNO2U7pCNc958YboMcI9e2M/s1600-h/mehetnelsito.jpg">

i would've had a greater time if 3 certain people would have come too [kainatwhitneyshante] bet they won't be able to deciper that secret message >:]

so i guess i'm at the point in my relationship when i start noticing small things like the forgetfulness of a simple 'i love you' which doesn't have to be mentioned but still feels good to hear it. i think the words i want to hear need to stop being bench-warmers and step up & join the game. i don't know what it is that leads me to spot "flaws" in EVERY relationship; but i do. its not like i'm falling out its more like im getting too sucked in which is also bad because i fucking hate being open.

we were so happy poor but then we got rich; i bet i quoted that wrong.

i love everything about him ugh. im such a girl. lol. & im working on a new poem; it doesnt have a title. & im contemplating on wheter i should submit a poem for this scholarship; its not local; but i feel confident in my work & even if i don't win the scholarship; then i'll still be proud of myself for taking the chance.

kickin' it;

"we look so; so . . . so not black !" [atlantic terminal;brooklyn] we didn't blend in much but luckily we weren't the target of a stray bullet [just kidding!] that's shante; [jigga/shaz/my sister] throw out her whole gov't why don't 'cha ? today was suppose to be a day well spent at the aquarium--73 degrees; HELL YEAH ! but what had happened was . . .

• 8:30am jigga comes over
• 9ish am we made breakfast --pancakes eggs & mashedpotatoes[hella bomb !]
• appearntly my cooking has drugs in it or im just black enough that people catch the itis from my cooking ;] we knocked out at around 10am & woke up a little after 1pm. [we were suppose to have left by 1 to make it to the aquarium by 3
• i was ready by 3pm lol
• took TWO trains to get to atlantic ave got off the train STARTED MY AFTERNOON with a LARGE caramel swirl latte [bc bklyn doesnt carry small cups -_- ]decided not to go to the aquarium only to find out that it was CLOSED good heavens.

met up with quana & shaqie abused them--jigga quana & shaqie
& then my boyfriend dropped by; who is awfully taller than me<3 size="3">[my doctor told me i was under avg. height]

awkward turtle o.o [shaq's turso rest of of him natural hair colour *the blonde;it was greywhen i was born then it changed colours
the perfect ending to my day. . . meeting up with my bestie mannywell except he's a little camera shy >=] & with quana

hmm more of a photo/written journal rather than an actual tangent entry. BTW; photos courtesy of jigga. view her blog link highlited in the abovee txt :]

wth?

"My husband and I splurged and ordered pizza for dinner"; read article? LMAO ohkay. that almost beats: "nearly 100% of pro-choicers were never aborted" the interweb makes me laugh. NEW PLANET FOUND omg ! im such a nerd. when i was like 10 i was convinced i would becomes an astronaut; then i was reminded about that space shuttle that blew up in '86--everyone died. & i was all like FCK that & left those dreams behind. but that was when my mom REALLY REALLY REALLY cared about what i was going to become...damn; way to crush a childs dream mom !
space balls dumb movie. see it x] i think that maybe i will invite change ?

haha;

Google's chief executive Eric Schmidt: "We get sued every day"

LMFAO. well s tretview; is getting hit hard because appearntly the faces are viewable [good job google] no wonder why i was able to notice the chinese delivery man outside my building. i literally spent a good hour trying to identify the people from the picture. hmm makes me wonder about that movie...Deja vu [accent on the u] i mean if google has the technology via satellite to take pictures of my street & such then doesnt the gov't have the power to control time. LMAO well we can actually all move time its called memories. we just cant touch it the way denzel did. but thats a story all its own.

i miss my past. how i wish we can swim in memories and forget about the future and the right now ; just focus on the past. i know i would know not fuck up in high school. actually fuck that i would know to kick ass in middle school. i hated 7th-9th; ugly duckling to social butterfly ? ugh. what ever. i wouldnt want to be a butterfly; dragonflies own. 

unicornkid <33 class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: Arial; font-size: 10px; line-height: normal; white-space: pre; ">

did you see the words?

do the elderly couples still kiss and hug and grab their big wrinkly skin so tough wrinkly wrink wrink wrinkly rough . . .

nelsonn: thats just disturbing

tHR0W BAq x0: nooo itss sweet

nelsonn: for a psychopath maybe

tHR0W BAq x0: LMAO

tHR0W BAq x0: its sweet

nelsonn: lol

tHR0W BAq x0: its a love song
nelsonn: i can tell

today;

was the day i saw watchmen. at first i was stoked & my mom was going to give me the money to go see it until i decided to go to school late. she was all like 'fuck that if you dont know how to get up & get to school on time your financially cut off; no you cant see that movie today' & i was all like 'omg youre such a go hard wow' well actually i was more vexed than that. but point being ; i saw watchmen. I WAS SO HYPED TO GO SEE IT ACTUALLY; RACHEL RAY WAS ON KISS-FM HYPING IT TALKING ABOUT HOW AMAZING IT IS & then i saw it. -__- HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT. its like mister zack SQUASHED everything from the graphic novel into it & left parts out. no wonder why alan moore didnt want his name to be affiliated with that movie.
read the graphic novel before you see the movie

"when the world got too much & you pleaded with me--who helped you immediately ? how speedy of me; how could you deny me so vehemently ? now your body is shakin tryin to free it of me; & your soul is in control trying to lead it from me & your heart no longer pledges allegiance to me. damn im missin the days when you needed the d."


at the moment i feel like doing a lot of things i wouldn't normally would do & i have an emotion that i normally would not be feeling. i feel like crying. i mean have you ever tried to work something out but to no avail. i feel like im giving and no doubt ; i will give any worldly possession ; but its not going anywhere. im tired of this pitiful downfall ; im really annoyed that i can't get what i want out of a person. wouldnt the world just be better if everyone gave love. FREE LOVE.


"i love you"
"ok, im not sure if i feel the same way"
"then just say that you like me a lot"
its funny how love can be revoked.

ramble;

senior trip on friday. i aint goin' -__- if i would have found out early that i was NOT on the list of nonelgible students; i would have asked my mom with a quickness. but i hope that everyone has loads of fun & takes LOTS of pictures so i can feel like i was there; even though im gonna be envious when everyone comes back with stories of this & that person. BUT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO PROM. im considering going alone; but according to nelson "we both know you could find date so why go alone." lol. my boyfriend idk he's not playing his cards right. oh goodness. my new found love; animal collective


imagine* falling for someone the first time. "can i call you just to hear you would you care"

it was good while it lasted though.


*new banner; i'd like to think im making something interesting.

wtf bitch its 10 degrees & youre wearing a sweater...

long post name ehh ?

but i hate seeing girls wearing SWEATERS/HOODIES IN 10 DEGREE WEATHER ! its always like wtf bitch put on some clothes. & its always the young ones -__- with their stomachs all exposed; imagine getting like artritis in your stomach . . . kind of impossible but you get the point. its like i know they are MEGA cold but want to look cute. you can find me coolin' it with a long coat with boots any time when its winter; fuck that looking cute shit; its winter damnit ! it gets dark at 4 pm; whose gonna see you on the streets when its night time ?

gosh wtf bitch it like 10 degrees PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES. =]

love is. . .