& it's all over the place; (pt. 2)

i guess i'll be updating this story in paragraph form. two paragraphs each. unlike part 1, i did not continually edit. again, quoting ms. erykah badu, "keep in mind that i'm an artist and i'm sensitive about my shit"


I do know her personally; I'm not one of those creeps admiring the back of her head from my assigned seat. We've hung out outside of school. Nor am I one of those best friends concealing attraction. We're just friends, except she knows what I want with her. I'd like to think that the attraction's mutual, but I'm starting to think otherwise. I'm not her convenient lover, but every time we progress in this pseudo relationship of ours, Amy does some fucked up shit, like ignore me a whole day at school.

It's Monday and just Saturday we shared what I thought was an intense moment. It was one of those things where you're wrapped in a hug, throwing body heat, and creating sexual tension. She was feeling the situation too, but when I moved in for a kiss, Amy turned her face, letting my lips brush her blushing cheek. Embarrassing. I knew she wanted to kiss, but she won't until we're in a real relationship. So we talked about it, it was slightly confrontational. How unreal is my attraction to her? It's been a seven year crush. Who else would wait for seven whole years without any type of sexual contact besides holding hands, but me? I even give her space and when she ignores me, I don't whine to her about it. I do love her and Amy, well she's Amy. She doesn't not like me.

so, i'm writing a short story;

update update update update! i'm working on a short story inspired by the love life...or lack of love life of someone close to me. i want it to be a real under dog story, it's a work in progress and permission was given of course...i wonder if he'll like my skills. if you're reading this, "keep in mind that i'm an artist and i'm sensitive about my shit"


Cock Tease

She's done this before, ignored me for a whole day. She knows what she's doing. Five seconds of eye contact, my tongue surprised by the restriction of movement to form the word "hi" by my half opened mouth, she, diverting her stare not quite acknowledging my existence. She knows exactly what she's doing. Fuck her. Nah, I love her. The overwhelmingly epic depiction of my love life: boy likes girl, girl ignores boy intentionally and so on. It's only at school though. They get off on that type of stuff you know, girls; always seeking the thrill of being sought after.

My thrill seeker, her name is Amy, Amy Rose. Beautiful. Seven years we've been together, well that's a considerable long time because I'm actually counting the years we stayed in the same class. Seven long, confusing, subtle hinting years. Okay, our relationship is really like dry foreplay. Clothes on, full erection, teasing, then blue balls. Fucking cock tease.

to me, you're words.

often i have contemplated the very words i would use to belittle your intelligence and bruise the ego you conned me into ignoring. i loved you. i believed you. i enacted a cliche romance, just for you. it wasn't good enough, you wanted and needed more than what i had to offer, and i offered me wholly. you had my undivided attention and misused it. you took what was yours and trampled on it. came back and denied it again. you threw my cliche love to the side and used me, abused me, and i let you do it, willingly. you see, i loved you and you were going to love me too, just as long as i could tolerate your adoration. i was wrong. why should i make you want to love me when love to you doesn't even exist. i closed my eyes to your discrete resistance. you were supposed to love me more, more is what you told me, more is what i believed. but you hurt me more, broke me more, and never stopped to let me catch a breath before you rained down more pain. to you, my love was a game. you tinkered around with my devotion when you were the one to say 'i love you' first.